Franken‑ads make businesses look less polished than they actually are.
A humorous look at regrettable office‑crafted design.
Every week, I see ads created by well‑meaning office staff — secretaries, assistants, or whoever “knows how to use the computer.” And yes, technically, they can make an ad. The software isn’t the hard part.
But design? Design is where things get… stitched together.
These creations often become Franken‑ads: assembled from mismatched parts, held together with clip art and hope, and sent off to print with the kind of confidence only the uninitiated possess. They’re regrettable in the most obvious ways possible.
Let’s take a humorous look at how these creatures come to life.
The Line Break Crime Scene
You can spot it instantly:
A headline broken awkwardly because the sentence didn’t
fit on one line.
This is where meaning goes to die.
This is also where designers quietly whisper “why” into the void.
Franken‑ads thrive on awkward line breaks. It’s one of their signature stitches.
The Great Content Compression
Franken‑ads fear empty space. Every pixel must be filled. Preferably with text, 8‑point text.
The result looks like a ransom note written by someone who really loves clip art. Everything is crammed together like it’s trying to fit into a carry‑on suitcase.
Text touching text.
Images touching text.
Logos touching despair.
White space isn’t wasted space. It’s oxygen. Without it, the ad becomes a visual traffic jam, and yes, deeply regrettable.
The Centering Catastrophe
Everything is centered.
The headline.
The body text.
The logo.
The coupon.
The inspirational quote they added for no reason.
It’s like watching a marching band where everyone decided to stand in the same spot.
Centering is a tool, not a lifestyle. Franken‑ads don’t know this, so they center everything until the layout collapses under its own symmetry.
The Color Wheel of Misfortune
Franken‑ads choose colors based on:
- Their favorite shirt
- Their office wall
- Whatever looked “fun”
- Whatever was already in WordArt
This is how you get neon green text on a red background.
It’s also how you get headaches.
Color isn’t decoration, it’s communication. And some combinations are regrettable enough to haunt your printer.
Want Great Ads that Attract Business?
Franken‑ads aren’t just quirky, they’re ineffective. They confuse readers, dilute brand identity, and make businesses look less polished than they actually are.
Design isn’t about making things pretty. It’s about making things work.
Professional ads work better.
If your business wants ads that communicate clearly, look polished, and follow the rules in all the right ways, I’m here to help. Let your office staff handle the office, and let a designer handle the design.